Malingering’s World

Thanks again to Tim for getting the blog running, and also for pissing off all of the people who prayed for its destruction.

The other day I was at the beach and noticed that people were dutifully bagging up and throwing out their trash, only to have the seagulls rip open the trash bags and scatter litter all over the beach. These birds are the clean beach antiChrist! They hate America! And Americans!

Seagulls hate the environment. They litter. They dump trash onto the beach and it kills wildlife.

Last year I went to “Coastal Cleanup 2009″ at the beach. The group leader asked what is the major cause of ocean pollution? I said SEAGULLS. She rolled her eyes and said storm drains. I think sometimes those nature lovers are too forgiving. Just because something is a living thing doesn’t make it not an asshole.

You have to wonder why they don’t have trash can lids on these things. Probably some pro-seagull union prevented it. Santa Monica tickets people for taking cans out of the trash for recycling but has no problem with seagulls pulling out litter just to make a mess. I think it’s disgusting.

I went to see my Dodgers play in Milwaukee, in an attempt to see them play in all 30 baseball stadiums in the country. Miller Park is awesome. There is a sausage race. They have cheese fries in a helmet. There is tailgating with beanbag toss games. There are more brats and sausages and beer than one can possibly consume. It is amazing.

I don’t understand why people wear it. Why wouldn’t you just wear a bikini? It’s the same as a bikini, but lacks boob support and emphasizes all the wrong parts.

Okay, so if you have fake boobs you don’t need boob support. But it still looks dumb in my opinion.

Okay, and then there’s this. What kind of weird tan lines is that going to leave? You end up looking like the biohazard lady from the previous post.

Sure, people can wear what they want and blah blah blah. That doesn’t mean I can’t call them out for looking dumb though, right?

Did you really have to pick that one?

As long as they cover up the important parts

I was awestruck at this glorious mullet. I apologize for not taking a clearer photo, it was night and the light was low. I hope you can appreciate the time and effort that went into this style, and love it for its dedication to pure mulletness.

“Wait a second! This is a biohazard??!”

Somehow I feel he was just doomed by genetics, with a higher-than-normal buttcrack. So really, he can’t help it you see.