Malingering’s World

It’s becoming a pandemic in these parts. It starts with something seemingly benign: a belt or a purse, and then has a rather insidious course, usually spreading next to a shirt or jacket and next thing you know, it’s taken over your whole body.

The kid on a leash thing has sparked quite the debate around here. But no one got too worked up about this wife on a leash thing.

Let’s start a new trend where we start to leave just a little bit more to the imagination. Sure, clothing may cost more because they will actually have to use cloth, and it might be a bit warmer underneath, but somehow I think we’ll all be better off.

Next time you and the boyfriend do the Edward Scissorhands role-playing night of kinky fun, bring an extra pair of pants. That way when you wake up after a long night, you will have something else to wear other than the mutilated pair of jeans you destroyed the night before. I’m just sayin’.

This is what happens when tights, leggings and lace have a threesome. You end up with this disasterous love-child of stupidity and then someone feels sorry for it and feels the need to wear it to make it feel important. The problem is, hybrid vigour was not in effect here, as it only inherited the negative attributes of each: the capriness of the leggings, the itchiness of the lace and the sheerness of the tights, which leaves it with no function whatsoever except to remind us that the only safe sex is abstinence.

ALEXANDER MINI = GOOD

This is the second run in I have had with South Bay MINI and I have had quite enough. My first encounter was with a tire blowout which I tried hard to forget. This time I had a leaky tire which was not holding air. I purchased the 5 year tire insurance with MINI so they have to replace bad tires but it has to be done at the MINI dealer. Fine. I work near South Bay MINI so it shouldn’t be bad, right?

This is how it went:

I call them up and tell them I have a bad tire

They ask me how they can help me

I tell them I would like my tire looked at because it’s flat and won’t hold air

They say does this mean you want a service appointment?

I say yes and try to keep my patience

They tell me they have an appointment on Friday at 11am

I tell them I can drop the car off at 10am for them to look at 11am

They tell me this is not okay and that I must bring the car at 11am and no earlier

I try to explain that I have patients scheduled from 10am-4pm so I can bring it before or after that
They tell me then I will have to schedule for next week as Friday is not feasible
I ask them why it is a problem for me to leave the car in the parking lot for one hour prior to the appointment

They say “one time a customer did that and he got mad at us”

I told them I would not get mad at them and can they please help me out here I need my car to get to work and the tire is flat
They said we only have one mechanic here

I asked them how this was relevant to my situation

They said they had to talk to the supervisor

I waited on hold

They said the supervisor told me to bring the car in at 11

I reiterated that I could not bring the car in at 11 but I could drop it off at 10

They said that this is not allowed

I tell them that I think it is ridiculous that I cannot leave the car in the parking lot for 1 hour while the car waits for its appointment

They say so we will schedule you for 11am

I say that I will call Alexander MINI because even though I have to drive an extra hour it is worth it to deal with helpful intelligent people

So I call Alexander MINI and of course they say “sure, bring the car in any time, we only need about 10 minutes to put the car on the rack and see what the problem is.” Unfortunately I got off work late and couldn’t get there in time, so I stopped off at Just Tires near work and they found a nail in my tire and pulled it out and patched up the tire for me.

Goddamn South Bay MINI. I have heard nothing but bad things about them.

But that doesn’t explain the man crop top, does it?

This reminds me of those romantic comedies where the good-looking white boy with spiky hair decides to surprise his good-looking white girlfriend with long straight hair by proposing to her, and he wants it to be a surprise so he goes to some French restaurant and has them bake the engagement ring into a roll or muffin or whatever, and then she is supposed to eat it and he is supposed to propose but invariably either the special muffin ends up at the table of a couple who is getting divorced or a couple on their second date or someone chokes on the ring and ends up in the emergency room.

And don’t get me started on the pegged jeans.