Malingering’s World

On New Year’s Eve Eve Eve, we were out at a bar and I noticed this “woman” sitting not so primly on a barstool wearing light up hooker shoes which sparkled red, green and blue with every movement. They are a merging of those sneakers that 4 year old boys wear that blink with each step and the clear lucite hooker shoes that are in high demand on Hollywood Blvd.

I couldn’t help but ask about the shoes (what is she were some sort of “special needs” stripper?) to which she replied emphatically “I’m a porn star, take my picture!” After the first photo she gleefully explained that she’d moved to LA from AZ to work on her porn career, though she wouldn’t reveal the titles of her 3 films (my guess is either she was too high to remember, or they involved the phrases “she-men” and “chicks with dicks”).

So she started dancing to show me her shoes and tried very hard to clack her heels together in there’s-no-place-like-home-in-the-San-Fernando-Valley fashion when all of the sudden she fell over onto her back and lost one of her shoes. I checked her ankles for possible fracture, but she slurr-laughed and said “I’m ooookaaaaaaaay” but before she could pull herself upright, security came and carried her out the back door of the bar.

So here’s some free publicity, Miss Hello Kitty. Don’t say I’ve never done anything nice for anyone.

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