Malingering’s World

There are a few phrases that I find myself uttering repeatedly at baseball games: Let’s go Dodgers! or Hi Russell Martin! or I can’t eat anymore! or Just shut up and watch the game! but now the above phrase, “that is not baseball attire” is becoming rather prominent in my repertoire of utterances. Why do people dress like this?

Do they think they are going to attract players in their flowy skirts and dresses? I’m sure someone’s going to show up here and say people can wear what they want wah wah wah why do you care wah wah wah wah and you can go ahead and say that but I can guarantee you it will not increase my tolerance for such idiocy and I still have every right to dislike whatever I want so feel free to comment but don’t expect any change here.

This is not a polo match. This is not afternoon tea. This is baseball. Crotch grabbing, dirt eating, tobacco spitting, grass stained baseball. There is no place for high heeled shoes at a baseball stadium. I don’t understand you people. You take too long to get up the stairs and I might miss a play. You crush my toes when you try to squeeze past me to use the restroom. The only use I can see for a high heeled shoe at a baseball game is popping a beach ball.

One of my new favorite subjects to photograph are the women who show up in these 3 inch heels and try to make it down the stairs of the reserve level balancing two beers and a cell phone. Inevitably something is lost, usually a few ounces of beer, sometimes the phone call, or when you’re super lucky, her balance. One can add some peanut shells and melted chocolate malt to the mix to make things more interesting. This is one of the few benefits to sitting in an aisle seat, as one is usually punished by having to stand up every half inning while some sweaty balls guy’s beer belly tries to get out of his seat to buy another Dodger dog. Silver lining, that’s all I’m saying.