Malingering’s World

First off, one should know better than to get their hair “frosted.” There are a few things that are okay to be frosted: windows, cupcakes and flakes. Hair is not included in this list and for obvious reasons. Besides that it looks like crap, people will spent 10 minutes looking at your head thinking “is that gray? Has she gone gray? But she’s only 26!” Meanwhile they are not listening to a word coming out of your mouth or paying attention to anything else because they’re trying to figure out what is going on with your head.

On the other hand, it is quite possible they never made it up to your head because they’re too busy staring at your stamped muffin roll. I suppose it is true, no one expects to have a muffin top/ waist sausage/ gut overflow, so expecting them to plan ahead is exceeding expectation for the common person. However drawing direct attention to it with a distorted used-to-be-something-cute tattoo is simply inadvisable. If a person managed to get past the peroxide explosion on your head, they are then sucked into the “what did that used to look like?” mystery going on around your waist. Again, not a word of what is said will actually be heard by the listener who is actively contemplating the above two points.
And finally, while this may be a small point I must make it. Don’t wear jewelry to the beach. At worst you will lose it in the sand and some marine life will choke on it and die. At best you will end up with a stupid tan line in the shape of your $10 bracelet that you will spend the rest of the summer and your entire cabinet of self-tanner trying to erase. Jewelry should be left at home, for everyone’s sake.

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