Malingering’s World

I asked the great Jesus Clam for a sign that my life would move in a more positive direction, and the clam sent me this: The perfect trifecta of fashion disasters all rolled into one. The ginormous butterfly, the exploding muffin top, and the not so subtle line of crack tell me that the world is in fact, okay.

I am rather curious about whether or not the butterfly caused the butt to atrophy, because really went you look at it, there is no ass. When she was being made, someone just arbitrarily pointed at her sacral area and said “that looks like a good spot” and used the putty knife to make a crack and this is how her butt was determined. It had nothing to do with where her waist is (where is it?), or where the cheeks are (they appear to have been steam rolled), or what may be aesthetically pleasing (we can only assume). Instead there is just a random line originating from the butterfly and ending in no man’s land and this woman has to live with it as the only butt crack she has ever known. For shame.

Then again, no one told her she had to show it off. Even collecting coins and dollar bills in her apparent slot is not going to be enough to get her reconstructive surgery or even crack spackle. So the question is, why is it out like this?

Maybe the butterfly needed some air. Maybe the muffin stole something from the ass. Maybe she just really loves ass cleavage. The answer may never be known. Either way, I’m sure she’s a very nice person.

With very poor judgment.

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