Malingering’s World

Three months after the Hand Incident which involved me getting hit by a line drive, almost fainting, getting wheeled through Dodger Stadium on a gurney and spending the whole game in the first aid area, I was finally given free tickets to a Dodger game to make up for my pain and misery.

Special thanks to Dodger Stadium for hooking me up with field level seats in aisle 7, which is just to the 3rd base side of home plate. And super extra special thanks to the Dodgers, who won the game to make the experience that much better. And bonus thanks to Bricks, who bought me a hot dog and cheese fries to top it all off with junk foody decadence. Fortunately I was not hit by any balls.

Unfortunately, I had to sit behind nerdiest guy with too much money on his hands, Dancin’ CPA.

What kind of freak spends $200 on a custom made jersey and has it say Dancin’ CPA? If you’re going to blow that sort of cash, at least make it say Mr. Bigcock or Money Bags or something. Dancin’ CPA and then a goddamn tax form number to top it off? This is appreciated by whom? His accountant buddies at the Christmas party after 6 cups of egg nog and a few photocopies of their privates maybe, but that’s about it.

I hate it when people brag about their jobs, as if a job is something to brag about, because a job is a job if you’re a garbage collector or a porn star or a CEO or MD or ESQ or CPA or whatever else. It’s still a job and it still sucks and no one is jealous of you that you have to work.

But to make it worse, you add some stupid modifier in front of it as if that makes you cool. CPA is dull and boring, but oh wait, he DANCES! I want to hump him! He should be immortalized as the dancin’ CPA which should be then be marketed and put on the shelves next to Tickle Me Elmo. It will move around when it hears crappy music like those flowers we used to have back in the late 80′s that responded to sound. I’m sure it will be really popular. As popular as this guy was.

To make it all worse, the jerk was a Padres fan. Whenever he stood up to dance, he was booed and here you see him turning around at us shouting, “you can boo the Padres, but you can’t boo the DANCING!” Um, yes we can and we just did. You have no rhythm in that accounting bootie of yours and your moves are pathetic. You’re dancing like a 2 year old scooting to the rhythm of his own drum banging. Have you heard of Rental Man? He could teach you a thing or two.