everybody needs a villain
We all need to blame someone or something for what we find to be out of our control. You can choose Bin Laden or gluten or Republicans or vaccines or Victoria’s Secret or terrorists or Ugg boots or steroids or George W. Bush, but regardless of the issue, we seek explanations for the ways of the world and we always look for someone or something to blame.
I choose Roberto Hernandez.
I am beginning to think that the only reason he’s still pitching is because he has the same family name as El Duque and Livan and someone thought the opposing team may be fooled by his jersey and actually expect him to demonstrate some skill on the mound.
The guy is like 98 years old and was drafted by the Angels when they were still the California Angels back in 1986. He’s pitched 1009 miserable games and I don’t want him on my team anymore. He’s already played for 10 teams and I really think he should talk with Rickey Henderson and the two of them can accept that their playing days are over and go sit in the booth with Joe Morgan or (God help us) Eric Karros and make comments about the good ol’ days.
The man has pitched 45 innings this season and given up 56 hits. His ERA is over 6 for the year (and a fabulous 7.71 at Dodger Stadium). As soon as the words “bring in Hernandez” cross the wires of the bullpen phone, the white flag goes up and the game is over. This is a good time for Dodger fans to leave.
Maybe back in the day when every player was hurt and we were considering bringing back Robin Ventura as a relief pitcher, fine. But now it’s September. This means 1) the games are were important and 2) we have a bullpen full of September call ups who couldn’t possibly suck more than he does.
I am currently angry with every person who ever had a role on him ending up on the mound tonight. His mother, for giving birth. The person who planted the tree from which he took his first branch for stick ball. His high school gym coach who once told him he had potential. The Angels scouts who thought it was okay he play baseball. The GM for ever letting him wear a Dodger uniform. The person who made his car and made it possible for him to get to the ball park tonight. Grady for ever asking him to set foot on the mound.
Roberto Hernandez is worse than gluten at a DAN meeting. He’s the Dodger Killer and he’s on our team. The Dodgers’ season has been extremely disappointing but congratulations Roberto, you’re the one I’ve chosen to blame. For tonight anyway.
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