Malingering’s World

So over the past 3 months it appears I have developed interstitial cystitis (a.k.a. urethral syndrome and other things). For those of you fortunate enough not to know about the joys of the IC, I will tell you. It’s sort of like having a UTI, but without any bacteria to kill. You have to pee about 5 billion times a day, and when you do, nothing comes out. Sometimes you can pee, but then it really hurts. And you have that “I need to get to the bathroom” sensation 24 hours a day, which you can choose to ignore and risk pissing all over the office or you can listen to and spend hours in the employee restroom (above). It’s like the urethra who cried wolf.

Of course there is no good treatment for this condition, so they recommend diet changes and alternative therapies (biofeedback, etc). Since I’ve changed my diet about 50 times in the last 6 months (from the Zone to gluten-free to dairy-free etc.) I figure it wouldn’t be so hard to start there.

These are the foods they recommend I give up: all alcohol, all coffee, all soda, all tea, chocolate, salad dressings, ketchup, mustard, relish, pickles, salsa, vinegar, apples, bananas, citrus fruits, grapes, peaches/nectarines, tomatoes, fruit juices, cabbage, artichokes, peppers, olive oil, tomato sauce /marinara sauce, nuts (other than cashews and almonds), apricots, avocados, cantaloupes, citrus fruits, cranberries, grapes, pineapples, plums, pomegranates, rhubarb, strawberries, fava beans, lima beans, onions, tofu, soy beans & soy-based products, vitamins B and C.

Remember that I also cannot eat dairy. I’m going to starve to death. So now what? I’ve cut out the vitamins, the tea, the caffeine, the chocolate, the alcohol. I am trying my best to avoid salsa and hot sauce (though this is very hard). A week later, I only feel worse.

Also my urologist was apparently the urologist of Ronald Reagan so there is Republican propaganda coating the walls of the office and Ronnie’s smiling face staring at me no matter where I turn. This does not make me feel any better.

I am going for a CT scan and some urodynamic testing and I feel certain it will be me and 13 guys with 13 enlarged prostates in the waiting room. I just wanted to take this opportunity to let everyone know that I am not pleased with my urinary tract right now and it is making me very very grouchy.

Thank you.

Zumi wanted to add a note:
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