I work for the county, so I’m well trained to respect all county holidays. I am also certain that the LADOT observes all major holidays and allows parking in the street sweeping restricted areas on holidays. Santa Monica, however, apparently doesn’t give a shit about the veterans and happily tickets on their special day, which apparently is not a city holiday. Memorial Day, however, is a holiday so I guess you just have to die to be honored by the city. Good to know.
There is something incredibly disturbing about seeing drunk 16 year olds in public on a Wednesday night, tripping over each other and giggling in drunken stupor only to return to their new cars that mommy and daddy bought them for their sweet sixteen so that they can drive home with reckless abandon to try to sneak in the back door before their parents realize that they were out past their curfew. I simply can’t imagine going to 10th grade chemistry totally hungover and reeking of whiskey, but I was a bit of a nerd.
Last month I went to Knott’s Halloween Haunt for the first time in 14 years. I won’t lie, I had the time of my life – but I was in good company. The whole teenage scene wqas extremely disturbing.
Most appalling was buttcrack girl and her 16 year old buddies who were smuggling bottles of SoCo in their pants and taking large gulps of hard liquor while in line for the rides. One of them tried to pee in the waterfall in line for the Calico Mine Ride. Another one fell on top of my boyfriend about 3 times, giggling and emitting eau du underagewhiskeydrinking.
You know there’s a problem when I can see your asscrack while you’re standing up. The visible coin slot while sitting is becoming commonplace, but without any movement whatsoever? Baseline ass cleavage? THAT is problematic. We stood next to her in like for 40 minutes and it looked like this the entire time, which makes me think it’s on purpose.
This guy tried to stick a chainsaw in my ass. Hello? I don’t even know his name and he’s already jumping in with the sex toys?
Okay, I KNOW your mom didn’t let you out of the house like that, so you sure as hell better remember to button up your shirt before she comes to pick you up in the parking lot tonight and act like you weren’t showing your titties to the whole world all night… ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.
Oh come on now. Really?
Once I can see 3 hook-and-eyes, you’ve crossed the line of acceptable undergarment visibility and entered into extreme tackiness.
It doesn’t look that bad until you see her face and realize she’s barely 16.
The sign said no costumes. So is this her regular wardrobe?
(I know it’s blurry. I spared you the details.)
I can’t wait to go back next year.
I suppose there are worse places for you to let your kid walk barefoot, since Disneyland does a good job of sweeping the ground the second a churro hits the pavement, and at least we know there is a low chance of stepping in dog shit. But still, knowing her feet have probably stepped in pigeon poop, teenage emo loogie and Mickey Mouse sweat, I wouldn’t let her back in the car with me at the end of the day.
I think today Andy thought it would be fun to kill us in every possible way, because he’s getting over the stomach flu and was feeling vengeful. I know he got a great deal of joy knowing that I won’t be able to walk tomorrow and probably goes to sleep at night giggling maniacally thinking of my pain. Sick sick man!
overhead squats
10x 45#
8x 55#
6x 65#
4x 75#
2x 85#
2x 95#
1x 110# (bodyweight)
(for an asskicking 15 reps overhead bodyweight squat video, look here)
Then, as if we weren’t dead after that, Andy comes up with this crap (sigh):
5 rounds
500m row
max reps unassisted p-bar dips
dip reps: 9,8,7,7,4
time: 16:46
Well now I can’t use my arms OR my legs anymore, but I am rather pleased that I was able to overhead squat the weight of my post-Thanksgiving ass. And I thought I would squeak out about 4 dips total so getting 35 was pretty good. But let me just say that I fucking hate rowing. I hate it. Hate it. I can’t wait until my ankle heals because at this point I’d rather run on my hands than row another meter, or even scoot on my ass with my legs in the air like an old dog trying to clean its butt because it would feel better than rowing on that goddamn erg.
It wasn’t that hot out, but I guess she was warm, even though everyone says those boots are supposed to cool you off and keep your feet cool as a sheep. Either that or she just wanted to show everyone her belly, in which case her wish is my command.
More birthday antics:
While I was on my drunken rampage, I came across this guy, who had a number two pencil behind his ear. Of course I couldn’t resist myself so I marched up to him and said, “hey, are you about to fill out a scantron?”
He told me no, that he was at an art opening and they had pencils there, so he took one, because he feels a pencil is the epitome of retro. To try to provide further evidence of his retro-ness, he informed me that his favorite show is Bewitched and he’s got every single episode on DVD, which together with the pencil, convinced me 100% that this guy is super-ultra retro. So there you go.
Today’s Workout (not for time)
2 rounds
10 muscle ups – with mini rubber band
20 windmills -10 on each side with 30# dumbbell
20 weighted sit-ups – 15# dumbbell behind the head
20 dumbbell bench presses (round 1 – 25# dumbbells/round 2 – 30# dumbbells)
I was using the mini-band for muscle-up assistance and now I have a row of hicky-looking raspberry type things along my inner thighs. HAWT.
Also I could feel 3 days of Thanksgiving food sloshing around in my stomach during the sit-ups. This was so gross. I feel like I’m made of stuffing.
It’s getting “cold” in Los Angeles. Well, for everyone but them:
Who needs the weather channel anymore? You can tell when the temperature drops because the sandals turn to Uggs.
I understand that it’s dropped to a chilly 64 degrees here in Los Angeles and we should all take refuge inside until March, but why is that not a reason to wear PANTS?
I understand that it’s relatively pathetic and I should give up. I think we’ve been shunning this trend for 7 years now, and it keeps getting worse. The Uggs are getting dirtier and dirtier and they aren’t going anywhere.
Save the children! Save them from the boots!
I feel like those people who have IMPEACH BUSH stickers on the backs of their cars. Okay, okay. We know you’re frustrated and we know this is a shitty situation and we know it sucks ass. And we know that it isn’t going to happen. So why do you keep protesting? Why do I keep protesting?
I don’t know. But soon I will have to surrender to asswriting as well.
The world is ending.
I often wonder where these people find their inspiration, and also where they find the balls to walk around like this. I’m thinking this is Gold Guy on the Promenade + raccoon in the garbage bin + Japanese street fashion = this clothesplosion.