dear assfuck:
You really fucking irritate me. I’m driving along the 405, taking my friend to the airport after a very nice weekend, and as I’m driving along I decide to change lanes. Check mirrors. Clear. Check blind spot. Clear. Signal. Check blind spot again. Clear. Then you decided to waste 4 gallons of gas to accelerate your brick of a vehicle to try to block me from changing lanes.
At this point, I’d already started moving over and you’re still a ways back. But you keep accelerating until you’re riding my poor little injured car’s ass and then hold down your horn and flip me off for a good quarter mile. Now was that necessary? It seems to me you brought this upon yourself and should be blaming your own pathetic and fragile ego for creating the need for you to try to prevent me from driving in front of you.
Then you proceed to tailgate me, flip me off repeatedly, and try to cut me off several times. Given that I was birthday celebrating for 18 straight hours the night before and I’m feeling sort of tired, we decide to get into the carpool lane so you can’t ram your gas guzzling dick-replacement vehicle into my car. So then instead of pulling ahead and going to your very very important place that you clearly had to get to five minutes ago, you drive right next to us and flip us off, paying no attention to the road.
At this point my trusty wingwoman pulls out her camera and documents your jackass behavior. Well this sends you into a dizzy. So you illegally pulls into the carpool lane behind us, crossing over the double lines and then proceed to drive illegally (alone) behind us in the carpool lane, trying to find your camera to get revenge. At this point you’re breaking about 3 or 4 laws as well as tailgating, and you were close enough to my car that we could see how horribly hideous you are which made us feel sort of bad for you. But not bad enough.
So I am posting this warning, if anyone comes across your car, bad driving, attitude or severe penis overcompensation, they should not change lanes, accelerate, signal, or even gaze to the side as it may threaten your virility and irritate you enough to the point that you have a subarachnoid hemorrhage on the 405. I’m doing this for your own safety.
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I could say so much, but I’m so weary of these assholes…so deserving of a sudden catastrophic end
bbd - November 19th, 2007 at 8:07 pm
Mr. California license plate 5FAC693 was obviously overcompensating for not just the lack of a penis,, but also for the fact that he’s going through menopause. Sorry, “Mental-pause.”
What a dumbfuck. Probably the most dangerous driver I saw in LA the whole time I was there. And that says a lot.
I hope he doesn’t have kids. He’s a danger to them if he drives like that while they’re in the car.
wskrz - November 19th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
It would have been deliciously satisfying if a cop watched/punished his dickweed behaviour.
PJ Bird - November 19th, 2007 at 9:15 pm
That is one of my most hated driving maneuvers (the first one, where he closed up the gap that you were going to change lanes into). It is great that you got his photo. What a dickweed.
cmgrowl - November 19th, 2007 at 10:13 pm
There’s a Borg tube coming out of his head…
Lyvvie - November 20th, 2007 at 2:02 am
I must say the last time that happened to me but I was a little impulsive and did something that was not me. I had these dead 9volt batteries in my cup holder for like ever. And then one day some asshat did the same type of thing to me but he was in a car that was a thousand times better than mine. So I thought I would show him how displeased I was with his actions, I rolled down my passenger window and flung these dead batteries at him, 2 of them. They hit his car door with a thud that I heard over my crappy engine and other random highway noise. Now captian ass vapors had the look of death on him and pull over to check his baby out, I took off to never be seen again. I just hope he learned a lesson, dont mess with middle class white american man in a shitty car that rides with dead 9volt batteries.
phil - November 20th, 2007 at 7:16 am
Here’s a tip or two.
If someone is tailgatting me I usually flick on the windshield spray which at highway speeds has the nice benefit of flying over the car and hitting the car behind. I think of it like an oil slick.
2nd trick is to drive close to the shoulder. It is amazing how much small rocks collect just over the white line. A quick drift over and they are airborne or at least some dirt is airborne as well.
Final tip call 911 and report an idiot like this.
Then again I live in Canada and we don’t carry guns up here. I’m a little more hesitant to use this in a crazy place like LA
Tommy - November 20th, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Really feel like giving him what he deserves? File a report with the DMV. It’s easy to do. When he goes to renew his registration (or maybe it’s his license, I don’t remember) he’ll be forced to answer to all of this… despite enough time having gone by that he probably won’t remember it even happening. From what I’ve been told, it’s basically guilty until proven innocent - and a bitch and a half to deal with (and your pics will make it even worse for him). Bonus: the DMV will not give them ANY info on who complained… which makes them even crazier.
Leendadll - November 21st, 2007 at 1:56 am
Yes yes yes! This is the sort of feedback I so adore!
malingering - November 21st, 2007 at 2:33 pm
Great stuff.
Fuckin ahole is actually grinning.
I am so glad that you (and your friend) always have a camera handy
.
People act like such maniacs on the road.
And for Tommy the Canadian: fuck off, eh!
anon - November 21st, 2007 at 4:52 pm
Oh geez. I’ve seen my share of these dicks with ears. I drive the 405 quite a bit. He looks insane. See how he’s gritting his little chicklet teeth?
Anonymous - December 18th, 2007 at 8:56 pm