Malingering’s World

This was my favorite store at the Grove. It is the store formerly known as NIKE FOR WOMEN. Now it is just another run of the mill Nike store that has been infested with men’s workout clothing, no longer caters to women, and has just lost one unhappy customer named me.

It is hard enough to get people to take women seriously when they work out. I had to stop going to gyms because people would give me a hard time when I wanted to work in with them on the bench, since I am half their size. I recently went to a sporting goods store and asked where their women’s clothing was and they looked at me like I was stupid. Trying to prove that girls like to do more than kickbacks with 5lb weights has been hard enough, but now Nike has let the guys into our store.

I’m not a big shopper and I’m not much of a name brand whore, but I like Nike workout gear. It keeps you dry, and it is the only company (trust me on this, I’ve been through Adidas and Reebok and Champion and Everlast and everything else) that makes women’s tops in extra small that are actually extra small. For 99% of the world, this doesn’t matter, but there are a few of us who go absolutely bonkers over such details and are relieved to have a safe extra small haven where workout tops don’t have 2 feet of extra material for a bra shelf when we have no boobs. Nike for Women had a big selection of workout clothing for WOMEN and they carried all sizes from extra small to extra large and I could go in there and walk out with what I was looking for. Until now.

Now I go in and have to push past the mannequin of the stupid shaved man-pecs and get past all of the man-shoe displays to find the stuff I’m looking for, and the selection is smaller so the XS are few and faw between. Plus the displays are woven around MANnequins so the gear on the display is a good 20 feet away from the rack where it’s being sold. Also for some reason, everything is pink this season. WHY PINK? A nice salesperson asked me how I was doing and I said “I’m doing shitty, thank you very much. You’ve filled this place with MAN CLOTHES.” She laughed but I told her it’s not funny at all.

One day I will start a women’s crossfit gym with a women’s workout store attached. It will be not-pink and smell nice and be testosterone-free. We will emerge only to meet up with some men, kick their asses at pull-ups and push-ups, and then retreat to our happy home. One can only dream.

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