Malingering’s World

The crowd at The Parlor.

Oh look, giggling blondes. How novel.

V-necks on men = bad idea.

Yeah, there’s nothing hot about that. Nothing.

I was interviewed for Fox Sports West. And I was wasted…

That’s Los Angeles for you.

You can’t just throw on 3 different outfit pieces and expect it to make a whole.

TITTIES.

Tarheel horses. *Whinny*

I asked what the hell that was, he said the title of his book. Is his book going to be published in text message format?

I can’t remember why we were laughing at this, but I’m not going to take it down.

Um, it’s nighttime and we’re INSIDE.

OMG. WTF. She’s got an essay on her boobs and leg warmers on her legs.

The Chardonnay chicks.

Douchydouche douche douche.

Stupid dude fashion faux pas. It’s bad enough when girls wear jeans under their dresses, but guys wearing them under basketball shorts? Are you joking?

Is she smiling? Laughing? Crying? Screaming? We’ll never know, because she’s paid thousands of dollars to have her face frozen into this position for the next 4 years.

Sorry, it wasn’t that fun of a game.

I posted something earlier today about this, and then I get one that is infinitely worse. I KNOW I’M IN MY THIRTIES BUT I’M NOT TOOTHLESS.

You know, if they hadn’t thrown the still in there, it wouldn’t be nearly as insulting, but at this point they may as well say “what the fuck is wrong with you, you pathetic lonely moron, you can’t find someone and you’re no longer in your prime, we’ll help your sorry ass out for a ton of money which we highly recommend you do because otherwise you’ll be alone for the rest of your pathetic life you stupid old mother fucker.”

Jesus, THIRTY IS NOT THAT OLD. I don’t wear dentures, I can walk without implements, and my eggs are still good. I don’t have a beard yet and there’s no sign of liver spots. I have very few wrinkles and my ass doesn’t sag yet. So back the fuck up, Facebook Ad robot. I don’t need your shit right now. Who are you, my mother?

200m farmer’s walk 25# dumbbells
20 jumping ring dips
400m run
40 wall ball 12# ball
200m farmer’s walk 25# db
20 burpee box jumps 26” box
400m run
40 ab mat sit ups

19:17

I am rather happy that I weighed myself before class and have made it down to under 110lbs thanks to the reemergence of fruit at the supermarket as I felt I it was perfectly reasonable to do a 50% BW farmer’s walk with 25# dumbbells instead of 30# because that goddamn farmer’s walk I can’t ever figure out what is so terrible about it or what is tired or what hurts, it just makes you feel like a winded weakling and you’re not even sure why. I think this is some form of psychological torture, though no more torturous than chucking a 12 pound ball to a 10 foot mark when you are barely 5 feet tall and have no reach whatsoever. I was hurling that thing with all my might I was barely getting it to the bottom of that goddamn X which exists just to taunt me and say “don’t you wish you had different parents so you could be taller?” It’s bad enough that I’ll never be a supermodel, now this?!?!

But I’m pretty sure that this is stupid. The whole freaking point of stirrups is to keep your pants hidden in your shoes, so wearing them with flip-flops renders them completely useless and creates this whole complicated strappy shit on your feet which I feel convinced is not safe on an escalator or any other moving surface, and don’t even get me started on the fact that this is paired with a winter coat because my head is already spinning about warm and cold and …ugh!

But the boob never fell out. I tried for you, people. I really did. Never question my dedication or perseverance when it comes to these things.

An inside-out visible thong, with the PINK tag hanging out the top.

3 rounds
400m run
21 deadlifts 95#
12 dead hang pull-ups

18:55

OMFG I hate dead hang pull-ups. When I was a kid I could do dozens of them. Now I can do about three. After being allowed and encouraged to kip for the past year, these just seem to get harder and harder.

But do you know what I hate even more? That fucktard at the gym who decides to give me unwelcome criticism about my freaking warm-up and then stands there and smirks as if he’s one-upped me or some shit. Um, asshole, I didn’t ASK YOU. I never ask you, and you always try to outdo me. Auuuuuuuuugh. I already stopped going to the advanced level class to try to avoid him, but he won’t go away. And literally every single time I see him, he has to make some derogatory comment about me, or some condescending shit to imply that I’m stupid. It drives me insane. IN-SANE.