Malingering’s World

This is why I love people.

Sweet.

I hate to tell you this, but your baby doesn’t appreciate the effort you put into your makeup this morning. In fact I’m guessing it thinks you look a little trashy. That’s what it would say if it could talk. But babies can’t talk, they’re stupid.

I’m not really sure. I guess it’s like loving your partner despite the fact that they have terrible smelling gas and never refill the Brita and leave toe nail clippings on the couch. You just sort of suck it up.

Two different women with the same problem and the same colored shirt. Hmm.

Now I’ve posted photos of myself so you are all aware that I have the opposite problem, I could run a 5K and not even realize that I’d forgotten to put on a bra that day. But it seems like for these women, the sensation of your nipples dragging on the cement of the Grove and the sight of knocking over other customers if you turn around too quickly would be enough of a reminder that you forgot to put on your freaking bra today.

Come on now.

You know, there used to be way too many thongs and we were inundated with the whale tails, but there haven’t been so many around now that it’s gotten colder. It’s a shame. You can tell a lot about a person by their underpants. Thongs, come back!

Maybe it’s time to ask Santa for CLOTHES for Christmas so you don’t have to go prancing about in your underpants at the mall. This is just a suggestion, coming from someone older and wiser. Prostitution should not be a career goal.

Thank you for all of your undying support. To show my appreciation, I am giving you the gift of titties. I have a feeling even those who don’t celebrate Christmas will still accept this gift, as it comes straight from my, um, chest.

It may seem like an odd gift, but we need to be honest here. Find me someone who doesn’t like looking at boobies.

I apologize for all of the plastic lips that seem to come along with the boobies. I have little to no control over that.

Plus, people pay good money for these things. Clearly they want them to be seen. I’m just doing everyone a favor and getting them out there. Some may wonder how I can be such a do-gooder, but really, it’s just in my nature.

Happy holidays everyone! Now it’s your turn to think of a good deed to spread the holiday cheer!

It is not my intention to be a dick, but at the same time I am a big proponent of telling the truth. This leaves me conflicted here but as always, the truth wins out so here goes.

As it turns out, I didn’t have to make a decision about what to do about CrossFit LA because the next day I got an email telling me that my contract had been canceled and I’d been “removed from the system.” I didn’t get a phone call, or a “we need to talk,” or a “this is a warning,” or even a “Merry Christmas,” I simply got an email stating that my membership had been canceled. The explanation is as follows (I would paraphrase as I don’t particularly like cutting and pasting directly, but in order to avoid being called a liar or anything else, I’m going to print the words straight from the gym’s mouth. Of note, this is not gossip as it is my own personal affair and gossip involves the affairs of others and not oneself.):

I’m thinking now that it’s best that we just part ways… you obviously don’t want to be here. Or, maybe you do, since it seems to give you regular material for your hate blog… In either case, it doesn’t support you, me or our community. I don’t want you here against your will or better judgement [sic]. I would much rather have you leave us on somewhat good terms rather than continue down the road you are determined to go down and have you burn all your relationships here.

You know, you’ve had every opportunity here to be a contributing, inspiring, motivating, and positive impact on our community. You have chosen time and again NOT to do that… and now for the past several months, have chosen to take the low road – publicly complaining, gossiping, lying, and generally spreading hate… rather than choosing to be responsible and helping to change or improve the environment you chose to be a part of.

I take full responsibility for what I write on my blog. I feel these are my honest and extremely candid opinions and I will stand behind them as truthful and genuine, albeit often silly and purposely over-the-top. And if being honest and critical gets me kicked out of Crossfit LA, well, so be it. I’ve never been one to pretend things are okay when they aren’t.

Basically, I’ve been gym-dooced.

We all might be happier living in a delusional world, where we can eliminate criticism and ignore dissenting opinions and make-believe that everyone around us is in complete agreement with our own beliefs. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tempted to delete comments which insult me and call me a sexless ugly cat lady, etc. And I certainly have the power to, because it’s my blog. But I don’t, because I think there is room for everyone to have a voice regardless of whether or not we share our opinions. I feel if you truly believe in what you’re doing, then it should stand up against criticism and defend itself.

Which makes me wonder what Crossfit LA is so afraid of.

Regardless, they are a private community and have the choice to do whatever they like. If removing anyone who expresses a dissenting opinion or questions the validity of certain practices from the gym is what they need to do to survive, then I respect that. I would have expected that at this point they would have had the confidence to believe in their program and have the faith that they could flourish despite criticism, but we all have our insecurities and have the right to act accordingly. Unfortunately with this move they’ve slid out of the realm of business and professionalism and into the realm of cult behavior and childish retaliation, and I find this to be disappointing (yet not surprising to anyone who has seen how mild criticism is attacked on the Crossfit.com message boards).

I know I’m not the only one who has criticisms about Crossfit. This is not to say I don’t believe it works, obviously I wouldn’t waste 18 months of my life ( which is over $3000 in membership fees) at Crossfit LA if it didn’t. Nor would I have blogged about it positively and brought in 8 new members in my first 6 months. But there are two sides to every coin, and I’m not alone. I have received emails and messages from Crossfitters around the country who have the same opinion as myself, that Crossfit has immense benefits and a number of risks (as well as douchebags). Interestingly, the majority of the people who wrote to me recognized that the Crossfit community is not mature enough to handle a dissenting opinion and will throw insults right and left when threatened, or better yet, delete them from the system and for this reason chose to stay quiet.

I suppose we can all try to create our own isolated delusional systems. The world will seem like a better place if we eliminate everything and everyone we are unable to tolerate and surround ourselves with our own self-created bliss. We can label everyone we disagree with as negative or a liar or spreading hate, and then remove these toxic individuals from our environments to make everything all happy-slappy again. Why bother accepting that people have different opinions when you can simply abolish them? Sure, maybe it’s overly simplistic, intolerant and self-deceptive, but it’s a hell of a lot better than accepting reality.

After all, reality bites sometimes.

They said I have “people watching disorder.” I’m going to have that added to the DSM before the 5th edition comes out.