Malingering’s World

In case you couldn’t tell for yourself.

If you happen to purchase a top that’s a little too big or simply doesn’t have any pockets, don’t worry! You can store your cell phone, ATM card, ipod nano, whatever you like in the extra cleavage area. For items that are cold sensitive, slip them underneath the boob flap for extra warmth.

when this woman walked by…

…this woman sitting next to me says to her husband “oh my gosh, she looks like she’s made of plastic!” Then they happened to look over at me, and of course I’m taking a photo of her, so then the woman pulls out her camera phone and says to her husband “we have a camera on this, why don’t we ever use it?” So they got out their phone and started capturing the wonders of the Grove. I was so proud. It’s never too late to become a spy.

Is the phone somewhere in the pocket of the utilikilt?

So why do bovines need bluetooth headsets? Who are they calling? Setting up dates for the barnyard dance? Trying to get tickets for Barnyard? (Opened last week!). Speaking to the agent about getting a gig as a college mascot? Checking on the location of the nearest Wilson’s Leather poacher? Putting in an order for another case of Marlboros?

The best part of this whole setup, which doesn’t show up in the photo, is that he had put money into the motorcycle so the whole time it’s making this “vroom vroom!” sound and rocking back and forth. And he’s chatting away on some business type call as if he were in an office. He kept feeding the thing quarters until his phone call ended, then he just got off and walked away.

Please note the matching pink Bluetooth headset, originally uploaded by Malingering.

One of these days I will stop one of these people who is barking at the top of their lungs into their little headset and I will flip them over and shove it up their ass, and until they pass their bowels they will hear this incessant one-sided conversation consisting 40% of “can you hear me? are you there?” which they can’t participate in and then they will know exactly how I feel when I am standing next to them at the stoplight.