Malingering’s World

And you especially had a spotter for little kids, because they would just jump off the beam or let go of the bars without any notice or warning.

Anyway, it’s worth it for the photo, right?

Am I on TV? Can you see me now? How about now? How about now? NOW?

Dedicated to a Kindred Spirit:

I have popped a number of beach balls in my time. My first was in 2003. My record is 4 in one game on August 16, 2004. And no, despite the pleadings of those around me, I will not stop.

1) The beach balls are a distraction from the game. If you don’t want to watch the game, don’t come. Go to the park. Or the beach. I can tell you need some exercise.

2) Beach balls are not allowed at Dodger Stadium for a reason. Playing keep-away from the ushers is juvenile. If you can get Dodger Stadium to allow them and condone their existence in the ballpark, I promise I will stop popping them. I follow the rules at Dodger Stadium because I respect it. Hitting around a beach ball is a sign of disrespect to me, the players, and the game.

3) No, I don’t like the wave. This is because in the past two seasons, in a total of 73 games, I have not ONCE seen the Dodgers score during the wave. So I consider it unlucky and I won’t participate in it. However never in my life have I prevented anyone from doing the wave so your mature and creative visual of me stabbing people for standing up are funny but untrue.

4) I don’t give a fuck if your kid likes hitting them. That’s probably because you aren’t doing a good enough job getting them interested in the game. And clearly you aren’t teaching your kid to respect the game, respect the stadium rules, or respect Vin Scully. Bring the kid a transformer if he’s so fucking bored.

5) Balls end up on the field. It’s dangerous, it’s distracting, it’s annoying. It causes a delay of game. It breaks up the flow. Outfielders could trip on them. It’s embarrassing.

6) Vin Scully hates them too. Need I say more?

Now, I may be an old timer, but this is my 15th time seeing Ani in about as many years, and let me just say, this crowd was terrible. They didn’t stand up when she came on stage, they didn’t sing along to the folky songs, and they were just plain blah. This may had to do with the Orpheum Nazis who came and told people to STOP DANCING which I would have photographed except they were on serious camera watch, either way, this made me feel really, really old.

But at least I still dance. Fight the power.

and people asked why the asshole (me) stood there and took a photo rather than saving the child (though at this point I think a Darwin award would have been in order, both for myself and the parent), I’ll show you what happened next:

YAY! Someone came to save the baby!

He just wasn’t strong enough to lift it.

(And for those of you who are curious, we did mention this unsafe practice to the mother, who gave us a dirty look and then ignored us. No one, and I mean NO ONE, wants to be told anything that insinuates that they are a bad parent. Ever. Try it sometime. I can guarantee you the response.)

…I think this would have been funny if it were non-famous people too. Rick Fox and his woman Eliza Dushku were at the Dodger game last night watching my boys in blue go down to the evil OC empire. Of course they were in the $500/seat section, and around the 8th inning they’d had enough baseball and got up and left. One of the drunk Angel fans spots them going down the stairs and literally throws himself over the wall into the stairwell (a good 8 foot drop) and lands on top of this lady. Rick Fox is feeling sort of bad (after all, he knows his recent coked out appearances on Lakers Live has made him the sort of superstar that has fans literally throwing themselves at his feet) so he goes to console this woman who appears to have suffered some sort of head injury. Meanwhile the drunk Angels Fan douche recovers and starts clawing at Rick Fox to get an autograph or a photo or something before people pulled him off of Rick. Classic. This is why I live in LA.

How nice of someone to leave their nasal swab for their slimy snotty virus-ridden nose in the sample area at Sephora. I couldn’t think of a better place to leave that than next to the lip gloss samples.

So… WHY?