Malingering’s World

Tim (the enchanter) has truly enchanted me by FIXING THE BLOG. As it turns out it had been taken over by Russian Communists or something awful like that, but order has been restored to the universe and it is all because of Tim.

I’ll get back to the themes and stuff in a bit… Until then I would like anyone who has ever enjoyed the blog to thank Tim, who found me on Flickr and volunteered to help out with my problem. It is quite possible he has inserted some weird plug-ins and is now cyberstalking me, and I’m totally okay with that because I’m alive!

If you need help with your computer (or anything as I believe Tim is magic), I would totally give him a call. In fact the next time something gets messed up, I am going to contact him. Even if it isn’t computer related.

TELEOTIC
http://teleotic.com/

Well, I will tell you. I bought a Western Digital MyBook external hard drive and put all of my photos (January 2009 – present) on them to clear up space on my desktop.

WD MyBook:

At some point a slight nudge + gravity knocked it over and I get this:

At which point it starts flashing and clicking and making this terrible noise and next thing you know, I can’t access any data on it. I took it to two different people who said they couldn’t fix it, and finally sent it in to a data recovery place who says that IF they can save any data on it, it will cost me over $800. Seriously?

So my photos are lost, somewhere on there. I KNOW, I KNOW, I SHOULD HAVE USED ONLINE BACKUP BUT IT’S TOO LATE FOR THAT NOW SO STOP SUGGESTING IT TO ME. But anyway. That’s why I haven’t been posting so much. 1) I don’t have my photos and 2) the thought of dealing with anything photo or computer related just makes me depressed.

Fortunately baseball season began this month and there will be fans aplenty to replenish my collection of fashion disasters. So hold tight. And tell Western Digital to fuck off.

(I just bought a Seagate FreeAgent hard drive to back up photos from birth-2008, we will see how that works out.)

I was listening to “All Things Considered” and heard this story, basically a half Iranian-half Puerto Rican girl whining that she might have to check “White” on her census form. She even whines:

“I’m mad that I have to choose one ethnicity over the other.”

Um. If you spent less time complaining on the internets and more time reading the ONE LINE QUESTION you’d see that you can check more than one box.

Then there is the “I’m not White, I’m Arab… I’m not Arab, I’m Ethiopian… I’m not Ethiopian, I’m African… I’m not African, I’m Black…” thing. Think about it people. What would the census look like if there was a check box representing every culture? It would cost like $37 to send. People wouldn’t fill it out because it intimidated them. So they have boxes for a write-in. Fill them in and whine in a more productive manner. Or have a street fair. With food. People will totally be more aware of your cultural identity if you feed them.

I am in the process of moving, which is really stressful and terribly time consuming. I keep forgetting about the blog. Hopefully I will be settled (and have internet access in the new place) soon enough! Until then I will do my best, I promise.

Dedicated to a Kindred Spirit:

I have popped a number of beach balls in my time. My first was in 2003. My record is 4 in one game on August 16, 2004. And no, despite the pleadings of those around me, I will not stop.

1) The beach balls are a distraction from the game. If you don’t want to watch the game, don’t come. Go to the park. Or the beach. I can tell you need some exercise.

2) Beach balls are not allowed at Dodger Stadium for a reason. Playing keep-away from the ushers is juvenile. If you can get Dodger Stadium to allow them and condone their existence in the ballpark, I promise I will stop popping them. I follow the rules at Dodger Stadium because I respect it. Hitting around a beach ball is a sign of disrespect to me, the players, and the game.

3) No, I don’t like the wave. This is because in the past two seasons, in a total of 73 games, I have not ONCE seen the Dodgers score during the wave. So I consider it unlucky and I won’t participate in it. However never in my life have I prevented anyone from doing the wave so your mature and creative visual of me stabbing people for standing up are funny but untrue.

4) I don’t give a fuck if your kid likes hitting them. That’s probably because you aren’t doing a good enough job getting them interested in the game. And clearly you aren’t teaching your kid to respect the game, respect the stadium rules, or respect Vin Scully. Bring the kid a transformer if he’s so fucking bored.

5) Balls end up on the field. It’s dangerous, it’s distracting, it’s annoying. It causes a delay of game. It breaks up the flow. Outfielders could trip on them. It’s embarrassing.

6) Vin Scully hates them too. Need I say more?

Sorry, I know the crowd loves it, but I am sick of chubby 8th inning Journey lip sync-ing guy. He sits in loge, somewhere around aisle 123 row F, and they show him at every game, and he makes these horrible faces and hand gestures and at the end makes “super serious face” and points to his Dodger cap and the camera guys love him. Now he even has a little plastic microphone and they’ve un-delayed the cameras so that it matches up to the music (rather than the 2 second delay that used to make it look kind of odd) and that’s really great that they love him THAT much and that the crowd thinks it’s funny but some of us are really tired of it and I’m speaking for my section only and really that’s all I had to say because I am cranky and a bitch and I hate watching people have fun and want to bring a dark cloud over humanity or maybe I just hate seeing other season ticket holders get more attention than I do, not that I have a need to be on Dodgervision because I really don’t, unless of course it would help spread the word of my blog that might be kind of nice anyway I’ll get a photo of him and you can see what I’m talking about.

As luck would have it, all things electronic seem to have gone awry at once. My Canon point and shoot camera isn’t working. My phone died, taking with it my only access to all websites on the other side of the firewall. Gmail is down, which is the only connection to the outside world from inside the walls of my office. What the F am I supposed to do here? Read a Goddamn book? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Okay, so CA’s budget is fucked. I personally don’t see what the problem is. I have a number of recommendations which will save all of us, but most importantly, improve MY quality of life.

Tax breast implants.

The tax will be proportional to the size of the implants, as well as how skanky they are. I will gladly host the website which will allow for voting on the percentage each implant should be taxed. This is a democracy after all.

Tax french fries.

None of us need french fries. But some of us can’t resist them. The scent of fried potato in the In-N-Out drive thru is intoxicating. I think the one thing that may make me think twice about eating them is a 50% french fry tax. I don’t think this will put anyone out of business, really, so it’s win-win. Either I stop eating so many french fries (win for me) or I can’t hold back (win for the state).

Tax tattoo parlors.

Think about it. How much do you think all of that ink costs? Add another 10% on there and maybe the 18 year old college whores would rethink their tramp stamp another month.

Tax soda.

My guess is soda ends up costing more in health care costs than anything else we consume. It makes our kids fat. It detracts from the amount of water we drink. It gums up our insides with high fructose corn syrup. It results in plastic bottles left all over the place. People know this but they drink it anyway. So anyway, I’d tax it.

Tax tanning salons.

There needs to be some sort of “I’m so lame I’d lay in a cancer bed for 15 minutes for no other purpose than to get cancer and be a superficial ass” tax.

American Girl Doll tax.

First off, these people are spending $60 on doll clothes, they certainly can help bail out the poor, homeless, and mentally ill. Second, what’s more American than paying taxes?

Ticket bad parking.

Nothing’s going to make you pay more attention to the lines than a $50 ticket on your window that says “you park like a fucking idiot.” Parking spot wasted, but tax dollars gained. There’s no excuse for bad parking. There are fewer excuses for bad parking than there are for speeding, talking on your phone while driving, and parking during street cleaning time, and they give out plenty of tickets for that. Why not a “park between the lines, dumbfuck” violation?

Will you people help me stop copyright infringment and inform the failblog people that my photo was stolen by Miss Claire M and someone had better credit me? I was going to say this is as bad as the Cheezburger photo thievery, until I realized it’s the same site.

http://failblog.org/2009/05/26/parenting-fail-10/

Correlation does not equal causation.

Remember that. In all parts of life.