Malingering’s World

I was awestruck at this glorious mullet. I apologize for not taking a clearer photo, it was night and the light was low. I hope you can appreciate the time and effort that went into this style, and love it for its dedication to pure mulletness.

“Wait a second! This is a biohazard??!”

Something about hairy back men really distresses me. I think it’s because men are not so good with the hygiene. Nor are they so good with things that aren’t right smack in their faces.

I mean, they can’t even clean out their bellybutton lint. How the hell are they going to clean off the residue of lord knows what on their backs?

Some guy told me once that women love his back hair because it was soft like a teddy bear. Okay dude. And guys love pubes because they remind them of a baby bird. NO.

The hair I hate more than back hair is armpit hair. Long sweaty underarm strings full of deodorant chips and beads of stinky man perspiration. I hate that you have to see armpit hair when you watch the NBA.

I would definitely rather see a woman with hairy legs than a guy with a hairy back. I am not sure where this prejudice began but I am totally sticking with it. It’s one of those things I am incapable of changing. Like my eye color.

The one thing worse than a guy with a hairy back is a guy with a hairy back in a tank top, with the hairs creeping out of the arm holes and neckline like hungry spiders, swarming for a meal. Seriously, get those in control. Nads or gel or whatever. Just contain them. It’s really icking me out.

And a vortex penis. Like that beer bottle.

I am trying to figure out what my theme color will be when I get old. I think purple is overdone because of that “when I am a cougar I will wear purple” poem.

I do like the idea of a metallic. She illuminates SPUNK and FIESTY. Totally outshines purple and that poem and stuff.

Sing a song and the birdies come fluttering.