Malingering’s World

the world as it exists
 
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Archive for the 'muffin tops' Category

how many times must I express my hatred for tube tops?

Wednesday, October 24th, 2007

Twenty? Forty-five?

I have tried to convey my irritation in words. I attempted to spread the word with photographic evidence. I hoped that someone, somewhere would think twice about putting this spandex sausage casing over their belly and leaving the house.
Please click here. I cried after laughing so hard. (Scroll down).
 Viewed 9665 times by 1740 viewers

venice beach this weekend

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

Usually things slow down come autumn, but within 3 minutes I ran into this, which is something like a groundhog promising 6 more weeks of midriffs and muffin tops.

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today’s question: why are you wearing those shorts?

Wednesday, September 26th, 2007

There are a lot of things that baffle my mind: ass implants, dog strollers, oversized SUVs, stuff that no matter how hard I think about them I still can’t rationalize their existence. Today’s mind boggling situation revolves around shorts. As in “why the fuck would you put those on?”
My guess is that if I asked […]

thank you, dear clam

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007

I asked the great Jesus Clam for a sign that my life would move in a more positive direction, and the clam sent me this: The perfect trifecta of fashion disasters all rolled into one. The ginormous butterfly, the exploding muffin top, and the not so subtle line of crack tell me that the world […]

why I could never talk to this woman

Saturday, August 18th, 2007

First off, one should know better than to get their hair “frosted.” There are a few things that are okay to be frosted: windows, cupcakes and flakes. Hair is not included in this list and for obvious reasons. Besides that it looks like crap, people will spent 10 minutes looking at your head thinking “is […]

LA’s latest epidemic

Thursday, July 26th, 2007

Public health notice:
There appears to be a virulent pathogen circling the greater Los Angeles area that results in strange oozing and growths at the site of the navel. Initially it appears benign and may take the mimic the shape of a flower or diamond, but this is simply one of its many clever adaptations to […]

bellybutton academia

Tuesday, February 6th, 2007

I suppose what worries me most is that when I drive by the local high school, the students are dressed like this. What? How do people get any work done? I have a theory that there are more prestigious schools on the east coast then the west coast because back east people have to cover […]

navel ring in a muffin top

Wednesday, January 24th, 2007

This reminds me of those romantic comedies where the good-looking white boy with spiky hair decides to surprise his good-looking white girlfriend with long straight hair by proposing to her, and he wants it to be a surprise so he goes to some French restaurant and has them bake the engagement ring into a roll […]

shopping handicaps

Monday, January 22nd, 2007

I don’t know why it’s so hard for people to purchase and wear clothes that fit them. Stores have what we call “dressing rooms” and usually (I won’t go so far as to say always, but usually) allow you to try clothes on before buying them. So when you’re in the dressing room and it’s […]

appendages gone to waste

Sunday, December 24th, 2006

It was like that all night. It was like her asscheeks had small vestigial wings.

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