Malingering’s World

I don’t understand why people wear it. Why wouldn’t you just wear a bikini? It’s the same as a bikini, but lacks boob support and emphasizes all the wrong parts.

Okay, so if you have fake boobs you don’t need boob support. But it still looks dumb in my opinion.

Okay, and then there’s this. What kind of weird tan lines is that going to leave? You end up looking like the biohazard lady from the previous post.

Sure, people can wear what they want and blah blah blah. That doesn’t mean I can’t call them out for looking dumb though, right?

Something about hairy back men really distresses me. I think it’s because men are not so good with the hygiene. Nor are they so good with things that aren’t right smack in their faces.

I mean, they can’t even clean out their bellybutton lint. How the hell are they going to clean off the residue of lord knows what on their backs?

Some guy told me once that women love his back hair because it was soft like a teddy bear. Okay dude. And guys love pubes because they remind them of a baby bird. NO.

The hair I hate more than back hair is armpit hair. Long sweaty underarm strings full of deodorant chips and beads of stinky man perspiration. I hate that you have to see armpit hair when you watch the NBA.

I would definitely rather see a woman with hairy legs than a guy with a hairy back. I am not sure where this prejudice began but I am totally sticking with it. It’s one of those things I am incapable of changing. Like my eye color.

The one thing worse than a guy with a hairy back is a guy with a hairy back in a tank top, with the hairs creeping out of the arm holes and neckline like hungry spiders, swarming for a meal. Seriously, get those in control. Nads or gel or whatever. Just contain them. It’s really icking me out.

I am trying to figure out what my theme color will be when I get old. I think purple is overdone because of that “when I am a cougar I will wear purple” poem.

I do like the idea of a metallic. She illuminates SPUNK and FIESTY. Totally outshines purple and that poem and stuff.

If you ever wanted to know the best section of Dodger Stadium for titties, I am hereby submitting my vote for Reserve section 18. All of this happened in a matter of minutes.

Now I know that those in Field may have more cash to pay for the surgery, but it appears the reserve girls are not afraid to show off their goods.

How can anyone watch the game with these things swarming about? I asked for my money back and was turned down. Lessons learned.

I don’t get it. I wrote an anti-white pants proclamation several months ago and no one is heeding my important advice.

Yeah that’s totally not see-through. Good work.

Underwear AND the tag. I’m so glad there is NOTHING left to the imagination.

And, yeah. You can see the boyshorts too.

And the granny panties…

And the thong…

And the legs beneath.

I really hope she thinks this looks good. Because if it is a casualty of not being able to look over one’s shoulder at the mirror then I feel really bad for her complete oblivion.

And really, it doesn’t matter how thin or in shape you are. It’s still tacky. There are NO EXCEPTIONS to this rule, people!

I know they have smoothing underwear now. Spanx or whatever. I bet she wears a lacy bra under a white tank top too.

You know how I feel about this sort of outfit. I won’t even say it.

Well I know who’s getting anti-cellulite cream for their birthday.

What I wouldn’t give to see that from the front.

That’s more asscheek than I want to know. AND she sat in dirt. Of course she did. That’s why we have asses. To sit on them. They’re supposed to get dirty. Therefore, they should not be white.

Okay, she’s okay to wear white pants because no one can look at her ass, being how distracted they are by Darth Maul.

Either way, I hope you people have learned your lesson. WHITE PANTS ARE NOT OKAY. JUST GIVE UP. I BEG YOU.

I don’t think she’s pregnant. It didn’t look like it. I suppose this could be included in the “pregnant or fat” contest. But either way it fits into the “you’re at Wal-Mart, you could have bought a t-shirt to cover that belly for the rollback price of $3.29 category.”

Now I have been collecting photos of Wal-Mart disasters since this very first one in 2002. If only I’d thought to start a blog about it, I would have write ups in the New York Times and TIME magazine. Instead I just have this little blog here. Anyway. I will include some oldies but goodies from 2002 and my 0.07mp camera:

Stopping in for cosmetics and hair dye

Tough guy

Always a favorite of mine

Admittedly, all I wore was leggings back in 1992. They were super comfortable and I could go straight to gymnastics practice afterward without a wardrobe change. It was kind of cool to be hanging out in a baggy sweatshirt and the equivalent of pajama pants all day. But that was 1992.

Leggings coming “back into style” has created all sorts of issues. First off, this is not style. Secondly, the “style” is to wear them with a longer and loose fitting garment. And these loose garments are supposed to COVER YOUR ASS. When your ass is not covered, you end up with this:

Okay so I can see her underpants and I know if and when she may be crowning and it’s time to take the brown babies to the pool. But there is an even worse offense when you buy the wrong size/type of underwear, as seen here:

Thos granny panties look uncomfortable from here. And since I am 20 feet away, I can’t imagine what they might look like up close. Or even worse, feel like. We have made several advances in underwear technology ince 1992, yet some people still are not taking advantage.

Then there is the issue of women confusing “tights” with “leggings.” Now there are several similarities. They are well-fitted items which are meant to be worn with looser garments on top again, to reiterate, WHICH COVER YOUR ASS. However tights are more sheer. They are not meant to be worn as the sole garment below the waist. Now if you can’t read the packaging and you mistake “leggings” for “tights, you end up with this sort of mess:

It’s not 1992 anymore, so people have decided they need a new take on leggings. Like lots and lots of stupid slits that looks like that time when you were 5 years old that you discovered the genius combination of safety scissors and a sheet of paper folded in half. “If I cut along the crease it makes magic!” Now maybe a 5 year old had designed these I would cut her more slack. But I have a feeling this lady paid $20 for 45 windows to her cellulite and that’s just not cool.

Is this better than asswriting and asscracks? Is it better than visible thongs? I suppose only time will tell. Sigh.

My wish is that in 2010, PINK will actually mean “pink” again.

And grown women (and their children) will stop using their rear ends as advertising space.

I’m not really sure. It may be because my mother would not let me leave the house like this so I was forced into years of uncomfortable thong-wearing to try to avoid this look.

Or maybe I just feel like I’ve seen something I didn’t want to see, and it was kind of against my will because I don’t think I would willingly ask to see some lady’s ass cellulite and its surrounding undergarments.

Or maybe it’s just univerally tacky and I’m not the only one who photographs such fashion mishaps. Come on Glamour magazine, you’re with me here, right?

Happy 3 year blogiversary to me! For something special, here are my photos of Engrish from China.

Please remember that I am not a princess, as I am both extremely ugly and exceedingly smart.

No scratch.

I am also Having Generous Vision, I Eading the World to a society of hate and disdain. Watch as I bring you all down with me.

Cause leap and Dart forth into the land of implants and asscracks. Who knows, you may just get stuck in there.

SUPERBLOGMOSTAMAZINGSITEPLEASECLICKHERENOW.

Fancy designer sell here expensive panties for sticking out over jeans to show nice brand name.

How very appealing.

(Note this is in the size for a 6 year old boy)
I don’t know many people with a size 36 pussy, so I completely understand the request. Don’t you want to see it?