Malingering’s World

And I really wanted to remind everyone of the MUSCLE BEACH bodybuilding on May 31. MARK IT IN YOUR CALENDARS PEOPLE. I AM GIVING YOU ADVANCE NOTICE.

This is a game we call “count the cosmetic procedures.” It’s very popular amongst us not-so-pretty people in LA. And it’s because we’re soooooooooo jealous.

What is she doing at a Dodger game, anyway?

Thank you for all of your undying support. To show my appreciation, I am giving you the gift of titties. I have a feeling even those who don’t celebrate Christmas will still accept this gift, as it comes straight from my, um, chest.

It may seem like an odd gift, but we need to be honest here. Find me someone who doesn’t like looking at boobies.

I apologize for all of the plastic lips that seem to come along with the boobies. I have little to no control over that.

Plus, people pay good money for these things. Clearly they want them to be seen. I’m just doing everyone a favor and getting them out there. Some may wonder how I can be such a do-gooder, but really, it’s just in my nature.

Happy holidays everyone! Now it’s your turn to think of a good deed to spread the holiday cheer!

What can I say? This is an impressive showing. Hooray for Los Angeles.

Is she smiling? Laughing? Crying? Screaming? We’ll never know, because she’s paid thousands of dollars to have her face frozen into this position for the next 4 years.

Sorry, it wasn’t that fun of a game.

But the boob never fell out. I tried for you, people. I really did. Never question my dedication or perseverance when it comes to these things.

All we need are a few pieces of Kleenex and some scotch tape and we should be good to go.

Sorry I was just looking back at this and the photos are pretty damn funny. Gotta love LA.

Malingering’s Muscle Beach Awards