Malingering’s World

Thanks again to Tim for getting the blog running, and also for pissing off all of the people who prayed for its destruction.

Tim (the enchanter) has truly enchanted me by FIXING THE BLOG. As it turns out it had been taken over by Russian Communists or something awful like that, but order has been restored to the universe and it is all because of Tim.

I’ll get back to the themes and stuff in a bit… Until then I would like anyone who has ever enjoyed the blog to thank Tim, who found me on Flickr and volunteered to help out with my problem. It is quite possible he has inserted some weird plug-ins and is now cyberstalking me, and I’m totally okay with that because I’m alive!

If you need help with your computer (or anything as I believe Tim is magic), I would totally give him a call. In fact the next time something gets messed up, I am going to contact him. Even if it isn’t computer related.

TELEOTIC
http://teleotic.com/

I highly encourage you to check out Dick Tater’s blog. I met him on Flickr after he drew a few things for me and he is pure genius.

That is all.

People of WalMart has spread like wildfire. Their site is a lot like mine, so I will recommend it since we’re in the same genre. I will also email them and ask if they get threatened as much as I do.

As luck would have it, all things electronic seem to have gone awry at once. My Canon point and shoot camera isn’t working. My phone died, taking with it my only access to all websites on the other side of the firewall. Gmail is down, which is the only connection to the outside world from inside the walls of my office. What the F am I supposed to do here? Read a Goddamn book? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Recently I ventured into MomBlog there and I’ve never actually been to a blogging site before so I figured it would be a good new year’s sort of thing to wander over and see what the fuss was about.

I chose a bad day to go over there, as the front page looked like someone’s repressed conscious vomited up every ounce of painful repressed memory available. It read something like How My Mother Committed Suicide/Why I failed Rehab (again)/The Murder of my Father/Another Painful Miscarriage. PTSD nightmare. I fled. Later I learned this was an anomaly and I just happened to click on a particularly painful day. When I found that out I felt a little bad for all of those people who did post that day, as they blew their childhood-trauma wad on the same day that all of the other bloggers did, which likely damped the shock value they were going for. That kind of sucks.

Since then I’ve been returning to OS, trying to feel my way around the community and see what it’s all about. I’m not great with communities as I usually piss people off and then get kicked out, but I had a fleeting thought that I could have a grown-up blog and post on OS as well. Wouldn’t that be a nice resolution?

Until I realized, I don’t have anything to write about. The more I think about it, the more I realize, I have nothing to say.

Obviously I couldn’t post the shit I post here on a site that’s as nurturing an environment as Open Salon. I’d offend at least 50% of the readers and would be chased out by upset bloggers wielding comments drenched in gasoline and engulfed in flames. I’d be called all of those names that I always get called and that would be the end of that. I have a distinct feeling that no one over there would think observations on pubes in a public shopping area to be worthwhile journalism. So I’d need to find a new topic.

There are moms who write about their kids. But I don’t have kids. I just have cats. And a blog about two cats who pay me no attention would be painful at best. “Milo sat with his back to me again today at dinner. I called and called, but he would not turn. I ached with the pain of rejection.” Yeah, not so much.

Some people write about politics. I’m too stupid to write about politics. I don’t know enough about the Gaza Strip or bailout bills to sound the least bit convincing. I also have a feeling that for your political views to be accepted in a blogging community, you have to listen to NPR at least 3 hours a day, know exactly what was said on “All Things Considered” that afternoon, and be able to quote “The O’Reilly Factor” and then refute all of those points. I admit I don’t do that. And I’m ashamed. I sometimes wish I could to avoid the trap of being a lazy, ignorant American. But obviously I don’t wish hard enough.

Of course, I could follow the lead of Amy Tuteur, MD and some of the other doctors on the site and exploit my interactions with patients. But I have to say, if I were the one at home strung out on vicodin and nursing my labia blisters after my tryst with a stick of baby fresh Teen Spirit, I would be pretty fucking pissed that a doctor went and blabbed to the whole world what a horny moron I was. I know there are no “patient identifiers” included but that deodorant-fucker knows exactly who she is and is probably pretty damn unhappy about that.

I’m not willing to write about personal tragedies or childhood traumas. I rarely have moments of clarity or epiphanies that warrant paragraphs of blogging. And I can’t construct prose about the mundane worthy of anyone’s attention.

I finally accepted the truth. I don’t have a goddamn thing to say. I suppose that’s why I’m so busy watching everybody else these days. They’re just a hell of a lot more interesting.

It is not my intention to be a dick, but at the same time I am a big proponent of telling the truth. This leaves me conflicted here but as always, the truth wins out so here goes.

As it turns out, I didn’t have to make a decision about what to do about CrossFit LA because the next day I got an email telling me that my contract had been canceled and I’d been “removed from the system.” I didn’t get a phone call, or a “we need to talk,” or a “this is a warning,” or even a “Merry Christmas,” I simply got an email stating that my membership had been canceled. The explanation is as follows (I would paraphrase as I don’t particularly like cutting and pasting directly, but in order to avoid being called a liar or anything else, I’m going to print the words straight from the gym’s mouth. Of note, this is not gossip as it is my own personal affair and gossip involves the affairs of others and not oneself.):

I’m thinking now that it’s best that we just part ways… you obviously don’t want to be here. Or, maybe you do, since it seems to give you regular material for your hate blog… In either case, it doesn’t support you, me or our community. I don’t want you here against your will or better judgement [sic]. I would much rather have you leave us on somewhat good terms rather than continue down the road you are determined to go down and have you burn all your relationships here.

You know, you’ve had every opportunity here to be a contributing, inspiring, motivating, and positive impact on our community. You have chosen time and again NOT to do that… and now for the past several months, have chosen to take the low road – publicly complaining, gossiping, lying, and generally spreading hate… rather than choosing to be responsible and helping to change or improve the environment you chose to be a part of.

I take full responsibility for what I write on my blog. I feel these are my honest and extremely candid opinions and I will stand behind them as truthful and genuine, albeit often silly and purposely over-the-top. And if being honest and critical gets me kicked out of Crossfit LA, well, so be it. I’ve never been one to pretend things are okay when they aren’t.

Basically, I’ve been gym-dooced.

We all might be happier living in a delusional world, where we can eliminate criticism and ignore dissenting opinions and make-believe that everyone around us is in complete agreement with our own beliefs. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been tempted to delete comments which insult me and call me a sexless ugly cat lady, etc. And I certainly have the power to, because it’s my blog. But I don’t, because I think there is room for everyone to have a voice regardless of whether or not we share our opinions. I feel if you truly believe in what you’re doing, then it should stand up against criticism and defend itself.

Which makes me wonder what Crossfit LA is so afraid of.

Regardless, they are a private community and have the choice to do whatever they like. If removing anyone who expresses a dissenting opinion or questions the validity of certain practices from the gym is what they need to do to survive, then I respect that. I would have expected that at this point they would have had the confidence to believe in their program and have the faith that they could flourish despite criticism, but we all have our insecurities and have the right to act accordingly. Unfortunately with this move they’ve slid out of the realm of business and professionalism and into the realm of cult behavior and childish retaliation, and I find this to be disappointing (yet not surprising to anyone who has seen how mild criticism is attacked on the Crossfit.com message boards).

I know I’m not the only one who has criticisms about Crossfit. This is not to say I don’t believe it works, obviously I wouldn’t waste 18 months of my life ( which is over $3000 in membership fees) at Crossfit LA if it didn’t. Nor would I have blogged about it positively and brought in 8 new members in my first 6 months. But there are two sides to every coin, and I’m not alone. I have received emails and messages from Crossfitters around the country who have the same opinion as myself, that Crossfit has immense benefits and a number of risks (as well as douchebags). Interestingly, the majority of the people who wrote to me recognized that the Crossfit community is not mature enough to handle a dissenting opinion and will throw insults right and left when threatened, or better yet, delete them from the system and for this reason chose to stay quiet.

I suppose we can all try to create our own isolated delusional systems. The world will seem like a better place if we eliminate everything and everyone we are unable to tolerate and surround ourselves with our own self-created bliss. We can label everyone we disagree with as negative or a liar or spreading hate, and then remove these toxic individuals from our environments to make everything all happy-slappy again. Why bother accepting that people have different opinions when you can simply abolish them? Sure, maybe it’s overly simplistic, intolerant and self-deceptive, but it’s a hell of a lot better than accepting reality.

After all, reality bites sometimes.

They said I have “people watching disorder.” I’m going to have that added to the DSM before the 5th edition comes out.

I have this friend Deven. She’s the funniest person I have ever not met. I talk to her almost every day but we’ve never actually seen each other in person, which may or may not be considered weird. Anyway, she has this blog which is so ridiculously funny that I want to kill her for reminding me on a daily basis how unfunny I am.

I also hope someone will give her a book deal, mostly so she will have to tour the country doing promotions and then she’ll have no excuse for not visiting me. I am so upset I am double-negativing.

(She sent me this troll, as seen above. She was first seen here, at the Grove, then I actually took her to the Grove. Photos to follow.)