Malingering’s World

As long as they cover up the important parts

If you ever wanted to know the best section of Dodger Stadium for titties, I am hereby submitting my vote for Reserve section 18. All of this happened in a matter of minutes.

Now I know that those in Field may have more cash to pay for the surgery, but it appears the reserve girls are not afraid to show off their goods.

How can anyone watch the game with these things swarming about? I asked for my money back and was turned down. Lessons learned.

Before Arizona turned into a racist police state, we went there for spring training. And looky what we found. BOO-TAY! But now we’re boycotting the whole state, so no more spring training or DBacks games for a while. Which is too bad, since there is some good stuff in Arizona.

Like these:

And I really wanted to remind everyone of the MUSCLE BEACH bodybuilding on May 31. MARK IT IN YOUR CALENDARS PEOPLE. I AM GIVING YOU ADVANCE NOTICE.

I know. This is extremely overwhelming and you have no idea where to start. I had the same problem. We’ll just take it step by step from the top down and hopefully some people will learn from this.

1) The Strap Perfect is not an accessory. It was designed to help HIDE your bra straps. It was not designed to make your swimsuit into a sausage casing. Here is a quote from the website:

Now you can stop wrestling with stubborn bra straps And give your cleavage a firm, youthful lift thanks to Strap Perfectâ„¢: the ultimate bra strap solution/concealer! You’ll never risk another fashion faux pas with any bra again with Strap Perfectâ„¢!

Um. WRONG. Clearly there was a lot of wrestling going on here. The cleavage is not firm or youthful. This is not a solution to anything. And yes, a faux pas with a bra was risked here. Otherwise I wouldn’t be talking about it right now.

2) Why the fuck is there a cherub dry humping a moon on her shoulder?

3) The tittie overflow is so terrible it doesn’t even qualify as quad-boob. It’s more like a boob-splosion or a tidal wave of tittieflab. Firm and youthful it is not.

4) Her tit-tat has been completely distorted into a wilted rose gone past its prime. The irony.

5) Okay, I don’t have breasts so maybe I don’t understand, but I don’t understand the concept of wearing a swimsuit with a bra. Last I heard, bras are not good in the ocean so clearly she’s not going to swim. The bra also completely fucks up the possibility of a good back tan, so that’s out. So why, then, if the bra-swimsuit combination causes so many problems, would you go to the trouble to create it?

6) A WHITE bra? Really? They don’t come in black? You put on a Strap Perfect to hide a white bra under a black swimsuit?

7) Okay I admit. Getting the hip-flab to mirror the tit-flab is a really nice touch. I will totally give her that. Totally. Well played, lady.

I really like how some people name their boobs, and then show everyone the names in order to avoid confusion. I imagine it would get really weird if you called the left boob Karla when it was actually named Bertha, I mean, how to you back up and undo that sort of faux pas?