Malingering’s World

We haven’t had one in a while and I just haven’t been feeling like myself. Now I realize that the blog is lacking cleavage.

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This may explain why I don’t like belly rings, and wish they could be turned into something else. I think we need to eliminate belly button rings, invent stretch mark jewelry, and then incorporate stretch marks into henna tattoos for a grand mural. Think of the money!
P.S. Cigarettes are sexy!

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If you happen to purchase a top that’s a little too big or simply doesn’t have any pockets, don’t worry! You can store your cell phone, ATM card, ipod nano, whatever you like in the extra cleavage area. For items that are cold sensitive, slip them underneath the boob flap for extra warmth.

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Public health notice:
There appears to be a virulent pathogen circling the greater Los Angeles area that results in strange oozing and growths at the site of the navel. Initially it appears benign and may take the mimic the shape of a flower or diamond, but this is simply one of its many clever adaptations to […]

I was just going for a walk, really. I didn’t expect to be accosted by titties.

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It must be nice to not be concerned with the practicality of your clothing or worry about anything along the lines if “what if…?” Then you have the freedom to throw on any random scrap of material lying in your grandmother’s sewing room, cinch it with a large paper clip and frolic out into the […]

It’s an honest question. I’ve heard rumors about it on television and on the internet, and for a while the phrase “nipples are the new accessory” was a hip thing but do people actually purchase them, put them on and then think “damn I look good with headlights?” I appreciate any available feedback.

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She even talked in a squeaky high pitched voice and when she dropped something that belonged to her boyfriend out of the basket, she squeaked “oh well, you never use that anyway!”

I would be annoyed in her presence in a mere 2 seconds (I was, actually). The boyfriend was totally annoyed and he gets to […]