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Her butt has a vagina!

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Okay people, I apologize for not posting. I have been moving, and the packing/unpacking/painting/Ikea building has been more time consuming than I thought. As soon as I’m done pretending to be a grown up, I’ll be back.

P.S. My new contact info is therealmalingering at gmail dot com.

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Damn that first lady and her whole “childhood obesity” bullshit! Let them grow! Let them embrace their 30+ BMIs and their diabetes! They are children, for fuck’s sake. Stop making them try to act like “adults” and be “healthy.” And stop making the parents actually take responsibility for their children. That is a ridiculous, socialist thought. For the love of Christ here, Michelle. Come on.

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Fashionable, sensible and fun! Catch loose bits of popcorn in your hair! Work those calves in high heels! Flaunt that skirt that keeps your cool! Way to go, lady.

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So the other day, my friend and I were walking back to the office from lunch when we were approached by a crackhead. He asked us for a crackpipe, and we said no and just kept on walking. Then he asked us for money, and a pipe, and then a dollar. We again said no, and kept on walking, at which point he ran up behind my friend and sexually assaulted her.

She screamed and I looked around to see who was there to help us. We were 50 feet from the police station but no police in sight. I ran and got a security guard who used his radio to get someone to call the police. He also called another security guard to follow this disgusting man until the police caught him. He followed him around the block, at which point they encountered the police, who handcuffed the man about 100 feet from the front door of the police station.

They then told us to go to the front desk of the police station to give the report. So we did. The officers at the front desk said they had no idea what we were talking about. We told them that my friend had been assaulted and that the officers who detained the “suspect” told us to meet them at the front desk. They told us to sit down and wait on a bench.

We sat and waited for over 30 minutes. No one came to take a report. Finally we go back and ask what the hell is going on. They continue to say they have no idea what we’re talking about. We tell them there must be SOME way to figure out who handcuffed the suspect right in front of their station less than 40 minutes ago. They asked us for a description of the officers, and then again said they didn’t know what we were talking about. They said they would only help us if we had the names of the officers. Well we didn’t, since they told us they would meet us in the station 100 feet away.

At this point we recommend they call dispatch because the security guard talked on the phone with them (which is how the officers arrived at the scene). Again they said they didn’t know what we were talking about. At no point was anyone at all concerned about the welfare of my traumatized friend, who sat on the bench. We asked if we could please make a report for sexual battery. They said they needed a female officer to do it and there wasn’t one at the front desk. We waited again.

About 15 minutes later, the officer who handcuffed the man suddenly appeared. We said we needed to talk to him. .He told us that he let the man go because he didn’t meet criteria for a psychiatric hold. We told him that this had nothing to do with that and that we were going to press charges for sexual battery. He said he’d let the man go 30 minutes ago because there was no one to give a report. We told him we’d been in the station for over 45 minutes waiting to give the report. He shrugged and said his shift was over and he was going home now.

At this point I am furious, but what can we do? No one gives a shit. Finally a female officer arrives to take the report. Why the hell they needed a female officer to take the report is beyond me as they did it in the lobby with 4 other (male) officers and at least 6 people standing around waiting to report assault and stolen bikes and various crimes that had been committed within a 1000 foot radius of the police station (which they didn’t care about). So here we are, amidst 10+ people (mostly men, of course) while the (female) officer is asking things like “what did he do to your genitals?”

So they took our report and that was it. No one followed up, no one gave a shit. Apparently the police are the wrong people to ask when you need some help. Thanks LAPD.

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Or maybe he liked tattoos? Or chewing on baseball bats?

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Admittedly, all I wore was leggings back in 1992. They were super comfortable and I could go straight to gymnastics practice afterward without a wardrobe change. It was kind of cool to be hanging out in a baggy sweatshirt and the equivalent of pajama pants all day. But that was 1992.

Leggings coming “back into style” has created all sorts of issues. First off, this is not style. Secondly, the “style” is to wear them with a longer and loose fitting garment. And these loose garments are supposed to COVER YOUR ASS. When your ass is not covered, you end up with this:

Okay so I can see her underpants and I know if and when she may be crowning and it’s time to take the brown babies to the pool. But there is an even worse offense when you buy the wrong size/type of underwear, as seen here:

Thos granny panties look uncomfortable from here. And since I am 20 feet away, I can’t imagine what they might look like up close. Or even worse, feel like. We have made several advances in underwear technology ince 1992, yet some people still are not taking advantage.

Then there is the issue of women confusing “tights” with “leggings.” Now there are several similarities. They are well-fitted items which are meant to be worn with looser garments on top again, to reiterate, WHICH COVER YOUR ASS. However tights are more sheer. They are not meant to be worn as the sole garment below the waist. Now if you can’t read the packaging and you mistake “leggings” for “tights, you end up with this sort of mess:

It’s not 1992 anymore, so people have decided they need a new take on leggings. Like lots and lots of stupid slits that looks like that time when you were 5 years old that you discovered the genius combination of safety scissors and a sheet of paper folded in half. “If I cut along the crease it makes magic!” Now maybe a 5 year old had designed these I would cut her more slack. But I have a feeling this lady paid $20 for 45 windows to her cellulite and that’s just not cool.

Is this better than asswriting and asscracks? Is it better than visible thongs? I suppose only time will tell. Sigh.

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I am in the process of moving, which is really stressful and terribly time consuming. I keep forgetting about the blog. Hopefully I will be settled (and have internet access in the new place) soon enough! Until then I will do my best, I promise.

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