Malingering’s World

Tim (the enchanter) has truly enchanted me by FIXING THE BLOG. As it turns out it had been taken over by Russian Communists or something awful like that, but order has been restored to the universe and it is all because of Tim.

I’ll get back to the themes and stuff in a bit… Until then I would like anyone who has ever enjoyed the blog to thank Tim, who found me on Flickr and volunteered to help out with my problem. It is quite possible he has inserted some weird plug-ins and is now cyberstalking me, and I’m totally okay with that because I’m alive!

If you need help with your computer (or anything as I believe Tim is magic), I would totally give him a call. In fact the next time something gets messed up, I am going to contact him. Even if it isn’t computer related.

TELEOTIC
http://teleotic.com/

Something about hairy back men really distresses me. I think it’s because men are not so good with the hygiene. Nor are they so good with things that aren’t right smack in their faces.

I mean, they can’t even clean out their bellybutton lint. How the hell are they going to clean off the residue of lord knows what on their backs?

Some guy told me once that women love his back hair because it was soft like a teddy bear. Okay dude. And guys love pubes because they remind them of a baby bird. NO.

The hair I hate more than back hair is armpit hair. Long sweaty underarm strings full of deodorant chips and beads of stinky man perspiration. I hate that you have to see armpit hair when you watch the NBA.

I would definitely rather see a woman with hairy legs than a guy with a hairy back. I am not sure where this prejudice began but I am totally sticking with it. It’s one of those things I am incapable of changing. Like my eye color.

The one thing worse than a guy with a hairy back is a guy with a hairy back in a tank top, with the hairs creeping out of the arm holes and neckline like hungry spiders, swarming for a meal. Seriously, get those in control. Nads or gel or whatever. Just contain them. It’s really icking me out.

I just feel like that makes it a lot more interesting, you know? There’s a center of focus, and kind of this prop to ground you. Otherwise it’s like abstract stripping, it’s weird.

And a vortex penis. Like that beer bottle.

I have so many questions! How does she walk around Disneyland in those shoes? How old was she when she got those tattoos? Is that a tranny? What kind of flowers are those? Are they growing out of her cootchie or into it? Does she even have a cootchie?

I should have asked.

I am trying to figure out what my theme color will be when I get old. I think purple is overdone because of that “when I am a cougar I will wear purple” poem.

I do like the idea of a metallic. She illuminates SPUNK and FIESTY. Totally outshines purple and that poem and stuff.